Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Two years later

It's hard for me to believe it's been a whole two years since Jimmy's death. I am still reminded every day by so many little things and so many big things of how much he loved me and Brendon, his family and friends. 

It is not surprising at all that the last words he said to me were "I love you." Only a few hours before he took his last breath, likely knowing this was the end, among all of the tubes, wires, IVs and machines, he managed to tell me that he loved me. 

Many of you know that Jimmy and I didn't exactly have the traditional "dating relationship" before we got married. We were great friends who decided to get married. On the night that we finally decided to get married, the conversation started out with Jimmy telling me that he loved me. I responded, "I plan to marry the next person that says that to me." He said, "Well I intend to marry you." Then he read 1 Corinthians 13 to me. Most people read that passage of scripture and think they are supposed to love others like that. They are, but Jimmy recognized something so much deeper about the passage. He recognized that only Jesus can truly love us like the scripture describes. That night after reading it he told me that he would fail me in trying to love me like the scripture instructs. But he knew that Jesus did love me like that and that only through our relationships with Jesus could we ever truly love one another. In everything Jimmy did he knew it was Jesus loving through him. 

Jimmy's last words to me were a reminder that he did love me but he knew Jesus loved me more and would take care of me. People continue to ask me how I have survived and made it through the death of my husband. My answer will always be that it's all Jesus. Jesus alone gives me hope, peace, assurance, rest and love. 

"Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8

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