Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Two years later

It's hard for me to believe it's been a whole two years since Jimmy's death. I am still reminded every day by so many little things and so many big things of how much he loved me and Brendon, his family and friends. 

It is not surprising at all that the last words he said to me were "I love you." Only a few hours before he took his last breath, likely knowing this was the end, among all of the tubes, wires, IVs and machines, he managed to tell me that he loved me. 

Many of you know that Jimmy and I didn't exactly have the traditional "dating relationship" before we got married. We were great friends who decided to get married. On the night that we finally decided to get married, the conversation started out with Jimmy telling me that he loved me. I responded, "I plan to marry the next person that says that to me." He said, "Well I intend to marry you." Then he read 1 Corinthians 13 to me. Most people read that passage of scripture and think they are supposed to love others like that. They are, but Jimmy recognized something so much deeper about the passage. He recognized that only Jesus can truly love us like the scripture describes. That night after reading it he told me that he would fail me in trying to love me like the scripture instructs. But he knew that Jesus did love me like that and that only through our relationships with Jesus could we ever truly love one another. In everything Jimmy did he knew it was Jesus loving through him. 

Jimmy's last words to me were a reminder that he did love me but he knew Jesus loved me more and would take care of me. People continue to ask me how I have survived and made it through the death of my husband. My answer will always be that it's all Jesus. Jesus alone gives me hope, peace, assurance, rest and love. 

"Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Ultimate Accountability

In my opinion there’s no better way to be held accountable than to tell others what you need to be held accountable for. So here it goes!

Last Friday night in my women’s bible study I was asked, “What are three specific things in your life keeping you from being more on fire for God?”

My answers:
  1. TV
  2. Laziness
  3. Clutter
That question has stayed with me throughout the past week and I prayed about what I could do about it. How can I change these things in my life so that I am more on fire for God? Then yesterday during my time with God I read Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”  I immediately started thinking that I needed to have an area of focus each month that would help me deal with the things I listed that keep me from being on fire from God. I needed these things to create a pure heart and be renewed. Yesterday I started making a mental list of these things and today I wrote them down! I also wrote them in my prayer journal as a commitment to God.

I’m not sharing them with the world to toot my own horn. I’m sharing them so that my friends will know and hold me accountable! I’m also sharing because I believe others probably struggle with the same things and long for renewal in their relationship with God. 

My list: 

After Brendon got up this morning I shared my list with him and asked him if he wanted to join me in any of these. When I read him the first one he said, “That’s weird. I was just thinking that I needed to save my money and not buy things I don’t need.” I said, “Maybe God was already speaking to you about it.”

Here’s Brendon’s list: 

My relationship with God is the most important thing in my life and I pray that making these commitments will help me grow more in my relationship with Him and be more on fire for Him! I also pray that by sharing this you will be encouraged to grow in a relationship with Him too!