Thursday, January 23, 2014

I passed my tests!!!

As I drove to my testing site today to take my insurance licensing exams, I kept thinking about how Jimmy would always call me and pray with me when I was driving to an interview or an important meeting. That gave me such comfort. I know others were praying for me before and during my test today but I missed the comfort of knowing my husband was praying too.

When I pulled into the parking lot at the testing site a commercial came on the radio featuring Mandisa’s Overcomer. Divine providence. That song and it’s message were sort of my personal anthem throughout the past 8 months of Jimmy being sick, me being laid off very unexpectedly, starting a new job, Jimmy dying and me becoming a widow.

The very next song that came on the radio was another personal theme for me, Not For A Moment by Meredith Andrews. It talks of God NEVER leaving us, that not for a moment does He forsake us, that He is sovereign, and that He desires good for me. I sat there in my car alone belting out the song and the truths in it about God’s love and provision for me. I laid my test on His altar. And I had peace. He was in control!

I passed my tests. But even if I hadn’t, it wouldn’t mean God had forsaken me. I asked God to heal my husband on this side of heaven, but He didn’t. That doesn’t mean He’s forsaken me. I understand very little about the challenges and hardships I’ve faced in life. I’m infertile, I’m a widow, I’ve been laid off. But God will use every. single. thing for good.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I was (once again!) reminded today of just how good God is and that He allows us to go through tough stuff for good.

On my way home Cornerstone by Hillsong came on the radio. (I know, my soundtrack was on the radio.) I sobbed. “Weak made strong in the Savior’s love. When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest in His unchanging grace. To the storm He is Lord of ALL!”

Jimmy made sure Christ was the cornerstone of our family. That’s the legacy he left: Christ should be the cornerstone of everything you do. When you live life that way, it’s not all lollipops and sunshine, but it will be for His glory, and that’s good.

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33b

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic. Isaiah 28:16

Wholly His,